All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
