do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
