I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
