At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
false alarm, still single
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
