I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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