Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
