dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
