i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
