We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize