I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
