i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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