Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
