I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
