So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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