so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
