The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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