do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
