I understand Curling. That high.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
