who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
They have beer where we have blood.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
