Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize