Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
