Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My feet surprised me
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
