why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
People in love make me want to vomit
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize