Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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