I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize