Banned from zoo.
Again?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
