i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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