I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
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