you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
