I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you traded sex for a burrito?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
