apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
