so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
