2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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