I want to make a zoo with you.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize