I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
