You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize
