My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
