I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
