Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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