An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
