Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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