i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
