hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
