GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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