Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
