tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
