if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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