I can text with my tongue
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
