I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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