I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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