Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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