whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
