Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Another day, another engagement, another cat
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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