I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
