Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
