so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Randomize
