u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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