I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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