dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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