my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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