I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize