Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
