Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize