if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
