When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
