His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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