he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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