I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize