Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
