I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Pants are for mortals
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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