Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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