Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
