we have officially lost it.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
