and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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