You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
