apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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