I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
