i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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