If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
